31 Mar 2017 - Quinquemaculata
Evening.
Day 36 on escitalopram.
Mood: 5
I don't know if the doubling of the amount of Lexapro in my system or the natural ebb and flow of my depression is the cause, but I feel significantly better today than I have in a while. It's too early to draw any conclusions, though.
Overall, today was a pretty good day. I had two exams that I was incredibly stressed about, so getting them over with was a relief to say the least. I also gave one of the letters from the counselor I spoke to to my biostatistics professor, since her class is the one my depression is having the biggest impact, and I wanted her to be aware of what's going on. (Favorite Person has this instructor for another course, and she very strongly dislikes her. I like this professor as a person, not so much as a teacher. Never enough direction where it's needed.) She was understanding, which I truly appreciate, and didn't write me off as I feared. She also stated that she figured that something was up, what with me missing a few classes, since I struck her as being a "very serious student", which I found simultaneously flattering and...I don't know, untrue. My automatic reaction is still to downplay/discount any good word I receive, from anyone. I don't know if I'll give my other professors letters, since very few (read: one) of my courses have the kind of work that my depression will have a notable impact on, since the majority of my classes are of the read-the-book-and-take-the-test variety. I don't know how much good a letter saying that I have mental health issues that may impact my ability to complete coursework/projects will do when there isn't much coursework, and there are no projects.
Moving on, a 10+ year old five-spotted hawkmoth specimen that I found in a Blackberry charger box in my lab last week relaxed well, and I think that I did a beautiful job spreading it. It's going to have to go back into the humidity chamber next week, so that I can adjust the position of one of the wings and manipulate the legs and antennae, but overall, it turned out well. The same charger box also contained a tachinid fly, cute little thing, and I pinned it as well. Interestingly enough, it was super easy to identify to species - Hystricia abrupta, if anyone cares - since the genus has a very distinctive appearance, with only two species found in the United States, and only one in the area. I'd forgotten the calm headspace that pinning insects can induce, and I'm going to have to get out collecting soon so that I have something pleasurable to look forward to in lab.
Speaking of lab, field work for the pollinator inventory starts the week of Easter, and I'm simultaneously looking forward to it and dreading it. On the one hand, I love being outside, and I love collecting bees, so this project will be a nice intersection of those loves. On the other, though, neither sites nor methodology have been fully ironed out yet, and since I don't have much say in either area, I'm just really hoping that my team is incredibly competent and gets themselves together, and soon.
Tomorrow's a big volunteering event that the university has been advertising approximately since the 3rd day of creation. I've got volunteerism in my blood - I racked up something like 100 hours a year at various institutions in high school - so, naturally, I signed up. The university, the group I'm volunteering with, and the people that organized the event have sent me around 397 emails thanking me for signing up and/or providing an itinerary and/or telling me where to go, and I'm almost tempted to not show up out of spite. Or to go, get my free shirt, and then leave. I hate it when organizations send more emails than is necessary - send me one when I sign up and another with all the information about the event. That's it. That's all you need. Don't be irritating about it.
At some point after volunteering, Favorite Person and I are going to hit up an area waterway that we've nicknamed Sculpin Creek. It's a very healthy stream, full of life, and Extant the sculpin hails from it. I want to look for darters, because they're very cute little fish and I have MTS (multiple tank syndrome - people with MTS are the fishkeeping equivalent of crazy cat ladies) something fierce. I'm not trying to set up another aquarium, mostly because 1) I don't have the space and 2) I don't have an empty tank, but I wouldn't mind adding something to one of the two aquaria I currently maintain. Part of me also wants to bring back another crawfish, but I don't know if my heart can handle that. Hopefully, there will already be planktonic critters - you know, rotifers and copepods and ostracods and tiny things like that - living in the creek or in the little pools adjacent, because baby fish love stuff like that. I want to feed my guppy babies the best foods that I can, and live foods are really good.
When I tentatively proposed a trip to the creek, Favorite Person asked if I wanted Curly to come as well, which I found odd. Her explanation of "maybe you wanted more people to spend time with" was odder still, since that's generally not how I operate. I don't like going places in a triumvirate when I know that I'll feel like I'm third wheeling the other two, which is exactly what would happen if Curly came with. I have nothing against the woman, and I do enjoy her company, but this is not to be shared time. Favorite Person and Curly can spend time together some other time, which isn't hard because they're roommates and have ~50% of the same classes and work in the same lab.
I don't know if it's jealousy or envy (and the two are different things). I have a hard enough time figuring out things when it deals with just myself and another person; adding a third entity to the mix makes things even more complicated.
Anyway. It's late, I need to be up earlier than I'd like.
Until then.
31 Mar 2017
Day 36 on escitalopram.
Mood: 5
I don't know if the doubling of the amount of Lexapro in my system or the natural ebb and flow of my depression is the cause, but I feel significantly better today than I have in a while. It's too early to draw any conclusions, though.
Overall, today was a pretty good day. I had two exams that I was incredibly stressed about, so getting them over with was a relief to say the least. I also gave one of the letters from the counselor I spoke to to my biostatistics professor, since her class is the one my depression is having the biggest impact, and I wanted her to be aware of what's going on. (Favorite Person has this instructor for another course, and she very strongly dislikes her. I like this professor as a person, not so much as a teacher. Never enough direction where it's needed.) She was understanding, which I truly appreciate, and didn't write me off as I feared. She also stated that she figured that something was up, what with me missing a few classes, since I struck her as being a "very serious student", which I found simultaneously flattering and...I don't know, untrue. My automatic reaction is still to downplay/discount any good word I receive, from anyone. I don't know if I'll give my other professors letters, since very few (read: one) of my courses have the kind of work that my depression will have a notable impact on, since the majority of my classes are of the read-the-book-and-take-the-test variety. I don't know how much good a letter saying that I have mental health issues that may impact my ability to complete coursework/projects will do when there isn't much coursework, and there are no projects.
Moving on, a 10+ year old five-spotted hawkmoth specimen that I found in a Blackberry charger box in my lab last week relaxed well, and I think that I did a beautiful job spreading it. It's going to have to go back into the humidity chamber next week, so that I can adjust the position of one of the wings and manipulate the legs and antennae, but overall, it turned out well. The same charger box also contained a tachinid fly, cute little thing, and I pinned it as well. Interestingly enough, it was super easy to identify to species - Hystricia abrupta, if anyone cares - since the genus has a very distinctive appearance, with only two species found in the United States, and only one in the area. I'd forgotten the calm headspace that pinning insects can induce, and I'm going to have to get out collecting soon so that I have something pleasurable to look forward to in lab.
Speaking of lab, field work for the pollinator inventory starts the week of Easter, and I'm simultaneously looking forward to it and dreading it. On the one hand, I love being outside, and I love collecting bees, so this project will be a nice intersection of those loves. On the other, though, neither sites nor methodology have been fully ironed out yet, and since I don't have much say in either area, I'm just really hoping that my team is incredibly competent and gets themselves together, and soon.
Tomorrow's a big volunteering event that the university has been advertising approximately since the 3rd day of creation. I've got volunteerism in my blood - I racked up something like 100 hours a year at various institutions in high school - so, naturally, I signed up. The university, the group I'm volunteering with, and the people that organized the event have sent me around 397 emails thanking me for signing up and/or providing an itinerary and/or telling me where to go, and I'm almost tempted to not show up out of spite. Or to go, get my free shirt, and then leave. I hate it when organizations send more emails than is necessary - send me one when I sign up and another with all the information about the event. That's it. That's all you need. Don't be irritating about it.
At some point after volunteering, Favorite Person and I are going to hit up an area waterway that we've nicknamed Sculpin Creek. It's a very healthy stream, full of life, and Extant the sculpin hails from it. I want to look for darters, because they're very cute little fish and I have MTS (multiple tank syndrome - people with MTS are the fishkeeping equivalent of crazy cat ladies) something fierce. I'm not trying to set up another aquarium, mostly because 1) I don't have the space and 2) I don't have an empty tank, but I wouldn't mind adding something to one of the two aquaria I currently maintain. Part of me also wants to bring back another crawfish, but I don't know if my heart can handle that. Hopefully, there will already be planktonic critters - you know, rotifers and copepods and ostracods and tiny things like that - living in the creek or in the little pools adjacent, because baby fish love stuff like that. I want to feed my guppy babies the best foods that I can, and live foods are really good.
When I tentatively proposed a trip to the creek, Favorite Person asked if I wanted Curly to come as well, which I found odd. Her explanation of "maybe you wanted more people to spend time with" was odder still, since that's generally not how I operate. I don't like going places in a triumvirate when I know that I'll feel like I'm third wheeling the other two, which is exactly what would happen if Curly came with. I have nothing against the woman, and I do enjoy her company, but this is not to be shared time. Favorite Person and Curly can spend time together some other time, which isn't hard because they're roommates and have ~50% of the same classes and work in the same lab.
I don't know if it's jealousy or envy (and the two are different things). I have a hard enough time figuring out things when it deals with just myself and another person; adding a third entity to the mix makes things even more complicated.
Anyway. It's late, I need to be up earlier than I'd like.
Until then.
31 Mar 2017
Comments
Post a Comment