13 Mar 2017 - High School Visit
Hello all.
At this point, I have to check previous entries to be sure what day of Lexapro this is. Today is day 17. I'm going to just omit the side effects section until something new comes up, if something new comes up, because I know that reading the same thing over and over and over again can't be interesting.
Not that I have any readership to please or something like that.
Mood-wise, today was a 5, but that's likely due to the fact that I was out and about, and it was snowy. Unlike the majority of the American populace, it seems, I truly, genuinely like snow and the cold and all it brings. It's the only time of year that I feel completely alive.
I didn't think much about, well, thoughts and thinking, which is unusual. Chalking it up to being busy today.
Anyway, I visited my high school, to chat with the teachers that I'm friends with. It was great to see them, and talk about how things are going (both on my end and on theirs), but there are also a lot fewer that were there while I attended. My school has teacher turnover issues, with many instructors staying only for a couple years before transferring somewhere else. It's not surprising, given the neighborhood that the school is in, but it still makes me sad. Despite the seeming revolving door of teachers, my school still manages to consistently rank in the top 10 in the state.
A new Whole Foods opened not far from my high school, and I paid it a visit, partially to check it out, and mostly because I wanted to get goat cheese. I have no control of myself in an area selling baked goods, and have been craving sweet carbs something fierce lately (that's usually a sign that my period's coming, but I can't rely on PCOS periods to actually show up), so I ended up with $15 of bars, cookies, and cinnamon rolls, plus some pistachio gelato, and no cheese.
I ate all of the bakery goods within a few hours, and don't regret it too much.
To change focus from the external to the internal, there's a thing that I've been contemplating for a few days now, and I wanted some time to process it all before writing on it here. Favorite Person started her own blog in the first couple days of March, and after making me wait a full week, finally gave me a link to it. I won't tell you all what it's called, since she's blogging under a pseudonym and I don't want to run the risk of identifying her by association if she doesn't want to be identified.
Even though I know that Favorite Person doesn't spend as much time inside her own head processing and reflecting and introspecting, I was hoping that the blog would provide some insight into how her mind works, since that's something that fascinates me deeply. The closer I am to a person, the more I want to know how their psyche operates...In a way, it's a high compliment if I find your mind interesting enough to probe in some way.
Anyway, I read it immediately after the link was provided. There wasn't a whole lot of material, since she isn't making a point of posting every day like I'm attempting to here. The content doesn't surprise me at all, given my understanding of how she interacts with the world - detailed, list-like rundowns of her day or days, with a light dusting of her perceptions of what's happening to her. It all reads in her voice and style; there's no doubt that Favorite Person is the brain behind it.
After I established the general format of the posts, I kind of began to skim for any mentions of me, finding a few. It was odd to me to see her takes on events involving us both, like I was reading something that was definitely not meant for me to read. Strangely, though, reading about her concerns relating to my behaviors triggered a wave of self-loathing, where the depression repeated that I don't deserve to have people like her that care about what goes on with me. I didn't fight it.
Likewise, getting the full explanation of why she spent the beginning of her spring break with a mutual made me, for lack of better words to describe it, disgusted with myself. The reasoning for the stay was sound; it was in no way some effort to spite or scorn me, which is information I know, and yet in the absence of evidence to support it, my heart leaped to that conclusion and stayed firmly there, slowly eroding itself as it is wont to do.
Even though Favorite Person knows about my blog, I hope that she never reads this post. I don't want to deal with that shame.
It's still snowing as I close this, and my street has a blanket of white.
Until then.
13 Mar 2017
At this point, I have to check previous entries to be sure what day of Lexapro this is. Today is day 17. I'm going to just omit the side effects section until something new comes up, if something new comes up, because I know that reading the same thing over and over and over again can't be interesting.
Not that I have any readership to please or something like that.
Mood-wise, today was a 5, but that's likely due to the fact that I was out and about, and it was snowy. Unlike the majority of the American populace, it seems, I truly, genuinely like snow and the cold and all it brings. It's the only time of year that I feel completely alive.
I didn't think much about, well, thoughts and thinking, which is unusual. Chalking it up to being busy today.
Anyway, I visited my high school, to chat with the teachers that I'm friends with. It was great to see them, and talk about how things are going (both on my end and on theirs), but there are also a lot fewer that were there while I attended. My school has teacher turnover issues, with many instructors staying only for a couple years before transferring somewhere else. It's not surprising, given the neighborhood that the school is in, but it still makes me sad. Despite the seeming revolving door of teachers, my school still manages to consistently rank in the top 10 in the state.
A new Whole Foods opened not far from my high school, and I paid it a visit, partially to check it out, and mostly because I wanted to get goat cheese. I have no control of myself in an area selling baked goods, and have been craving sweet carbs something fierce lately (that's usually a sign that my period's coming, but I can't rely on PCOS periods to actually show up), so I ended up with $15 of bars, cookies, and cinnamon rolls, plus some pistachio gelato, and no cheese.
I ate all of the bakery goods within a few hours, and don't regret it too much.
To change focus from the external to the internal, there's a thing that I've been contemplating for a few days now, and I wanted some time to process it all before writing on it here. Favorite Person started her own blog in the first couple days of March, and after making me wait a full week, finally gave me a link to it. I won't tell you all what it's called, since she's blogging under a pseudonym and I don't want to run the risk of identifying her by association if she doesn't want to be identified.
Even though I know that Favorite Person doesn't spend as much time inside her own head processing and reflecting and introspecting, I was hoping that the blog would provide some insight into how her mind works, since that's something that fascinates me deeply. The closer I am to a person, the more I want to know how their psyche operates...In a way, it's a high compliment if I find your mind interesting enough to probe in some way.
Anyway, I read it immediately after the link was provided. There wasn't a whole lot of material, since she isn't making a point of posting every day like I'm attempting to here. The content doesn't surprise me at all, given my understanding of how she interacts with the world - detailed, list-like rundowns of her day or days, with a light dusting of her perceptions of what's happening to her. It all reads in her voice and style; there's no doubt that Favorite Person is the brain behind it.
After I established the general format of the posts, I kind of began to skim for any mentions of me, finding a few. It was odd to me to see her takes on events involving us both, like I was reading something that was definitely not meant for me to read. Strangely, though, reading about her concerns relating to my behaviors triggered a wave of self-loathing, where the depression repeated that I don't deserve to have people like her that care about what goes on with me. I didn't fight it.
Likewise, getting the full explanation of why she spent the beginning of her spring break with a mutual made me, for lack of better words to describe it, disgusted with myself. The reasoning for the stay was sound; it was in no way some effort to spite or scorn me, which is information I know, and yet in the absence of evidence to support it, my heart leaped to that conclusion and stayed firmly there, slowly eroding itself as it is wont to do.
Even though Favorite Person knows about my blog, I hope that she never reads this post. I don't want to deal with that shame.
It's still snowing as I close this, and my street has a blanket of white.
Until then.
13 Mar 2017
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