12 Mar 2017 - Hummus
Hello, all.
Day 16 on Lexapro. Nothing new in the side effects department
Today's mood was a 4.9. That value would be lower if I had not spent all day watching documentaries and movies, and had time to think and reflect. External things to focus my attention on are the only reliable ways I've found to not feel awful all the time; it's my main motivation for wanting to stay as busy as possible, for as long as possible, at the cost of my physical health.
As per usual, nothing special happened today, unless you consider the consumption of large amounts of hummus and far too many flour tortillas warmed up directly over the fire on the stovetop special. I have a tendency to just snack constantly when I'm home, so there was a lot of food just gradually getting shoved into my face as time passed. Much of it was plant-based (carrots, bell pepper, spinach, broccoli), but there was far too much sweet garbage as well.
I think a lot about food in general, and what I eat in particular. It's a side effect of not having the best body image, and of an acute awareness of how my depression affects appetite.
Ite, the younger but larger of my two cats, spent a lot of time cuddled up with me today, curled up against me in bed and whatnot. Normally, I'm not super fond of him being in my room, since he's a clumsy fellow and tends to knock things over wherever he goes, but I appreciated the contact with another living being. It's not the human contact I crave with an intensity and desperation that I find deeply shameful, but it's contact with something warm and soft and living, and for the time being, it'll do.
He spent all day in arm's reach, but as I write this, he's nowhere to be found.
It's supposed to be cold and snowy tomorrow, which is weather I look forward to.
Until then.
12 Mar 2017
Day 16 on Lexapro. Nothing new in the side effects department
Today's mood was a 4.9. That value would be lower if I had not spent all day watching documentaries and movies, and had time to think and reflect. External things to focus my attention on are the only reliable ways I've found to not feel awful all the time; it's my main motivation for wanting to stay as busy as possible, for as long as possible, at the cost of my physical health.
As per usual, nothing special happened today, unless you consider the consumption of large amounts of hummus and far too many flour tortillas warmed up directly over the fire on the stovetop special. I have a tendency to just snack constantly when I'm home, so there was a lot of food just gradually getting shoved into my face as time passed. Much of it was plant-based (carrots, bell pepper, spinach, broccoli), but there was far too much sweet garbage as well.
I think a lot about food in general, and what I eat in particular. It's a side effect of not having the best body image, and of an acute awareness of how my depression affects appetite.
Ite, the younger but larger of my two cats, spent a lot of time cuddled up with me today, curled up against me in bed and whatnot. Normally, I'm not super fond of him being in my room, since he's a clumsy fellow and tends to knock things over wherever he goes, but I appreciated the contact with another living being. It's not the human contact I crave with an intensity and desperation that I find deeply shameful, but it's contact with something warm and soft and living, and for the time being, it'll do.
He spent all day in arm's reach, but as I write this, he's nowhere to be found.
It's supposed to be cold and snowy tomorrow, which is weather I look forward to.
Until then.
12 Mar 2017
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