Treatment Records

Afternoon.  Yesterday would have been day 31 on Lexapro, but I didn't take my dose. One missed day won't screw me up too badly, but a not-insignificant part of me wants to torture myself by undoing what little progress has been made with the drug.  Overall mood: 4.  A wild and very loud turkey tom calling not far from the campsite woke me up far earlier than I would have liked yesterday, and the sounds of nature, combined with the poor mood that lingered from the night before, prevented me from going back to sleep. However, I stayed curled up in my sleeping bag long after everyone else in the quintet was up and starting to pack up camp. As usual, my inability to be of help and therefore position as a drag for the rest of the group spawned a fresh wave of guilt...While everyone else ate breakfast, I did little more than take up my usual depressed posture, and at that point, I had gone close to a full 24 hours without food. Not a good sign, and especially bad given th...

Evening.  Yesterday was day 30 on Lexapro.  Overall mood: 3.5.  As I said, yesterday was spent camping and hiking. The first day of the trip was...queer. I started out feeling intensely guilty, which is always good for my enjoyment. I was supposed to meet up with the group at 9am to head over to the campsite, but because I missed so much sleep last week, I slept through all of my many alarms and woke up at 9:43. There was a long moment of panic and self-beration, because I was legitimately looked forward to the trip and, because I couldn't do something as simple as wake up on time, I was so sure that I wouldn't be able to go. Favorite Person (eventually I'm gonna get lazy and just abbreviate), who was leading this trip and is fortunately not at all like me in instances like this, offered to come back and pick me up after she'd set up camp with the group. I'm glad that she did, but at the same time...I don't feel as though I deserved it. By all rights, I sh...