Treatment Records

Happy Earth Day.  Day 58 on Lexapro. I'm extremely tired, and I don't forsee that changing.  Mood: 2 - 5.  I think that I'll add a descriptive component to my representation of my mood, because a number alone doesn't give enough information. They'll likely make more sense to me than to anyone else, but that's fine.  Like fire and acid and seismic forces in membranous crystal, hung upon silken thread above the sighing void;  and  The nameless being looks about in terror, suddenly no longer able to make sense of the patterns whose meaning came so easily; and  Slowly, with both resignation and determination, layer after layer peel away, until the core lay bare. Today, I marched for science. I didn't have a witty sign, or any sign, but I showed up in support. While there, I chatted at length with a geophysics professor, about my motivations for marching, my distaste for the underabundance of attention pair to invertebrates, and about my re...

Hello.  Day 38 on Lexapro. No side effects that I feel like sharing.  Mood: 4.71. Is that a weirdly precise value? No, not at all.  Today's external highlight was going to Sculpin Creek with Favorite Person. Booted and armed with nets and buckets, we set out to find...nothing in particular, really. I enjoyed chasing after little fishes, and identifying various plants and invertebrates. We even saw a snapping turtle sunning itself on the banks! As is my usual, I kept the fish that I caught - one giant banded sculpin, four tiny and very cute babies, and a fantail darter. Favorite Person talked me into keeping a clutch of fish eggs that we found affixed to a rock, and I'm less thrilled about it than she is, because for one thing, I'm going to be the one responsible for taking care of them, and neither of us have any idea what kind of fish they are. I don't want to be potentially responsible for scores of tiny fish whose proper care I can't ensure; that feels wron...

Evening.  Yesterday was day 30 on Lexapro.  Overall mood: 3.5.  As I said, yesterday was spent camping and hiking. The first day of the trip was...queer. I started out feeling intensely guilty, which is always good for my enjoyment. I was supposed to meet up with the group at 9am to head over to the campsite, but because I missed so much sleep last week, I slept through all of my many alarms and woke up at 9:43. There was a long moment of panic and self-beration, because I was legitimately looked forward to the trip and, because I couldn't do something as simple as wake up on time, I was so sure that I wouldn't be able to go. Favorite Person (eventually I'm gonna get lazy and just abbreviate), who was leading this trip and is fortunately not at all like me in instances like this, offered to come back and pick me up after she'd set up camp with the group. I'm glad that she did, but at the same time...I don't feel as though I deserved it. By all rights, I sh...

Evening, all.  Day 20 on Lexapro. I take back what I said about less jaw clenching.  Today's mood was an overall 4.6, +/- 0.1.  Nothing really worth mentioning happened externally - I watched the last three episodes of Black Mirror , showered and shaved (I don't mind the way body hair looks; I just prefer the way hairless skin feels), and made salmon for dinner.  The salmon was quite good, even if I was a little too liberal in my use of salt and of cayenne. Mentally, not too much went on, since I was watching one thing or another all day and didn't have much time to ruminate. However, the indefinite span of time between me being aware of no longer being asleep and actually getting out of bed was decidedly unpleasant, because in those moments, all I could think about was how strongly I wanted to be near another warm body, preferably spooning someone soft and nice-smelling . I've probably said this before, but I'll repeat it here: I hate how strongly ...

Hello all.  At this point, I have to check previous entries to be sure what day of Lexapro this is. Today is day 17. I'm going to just omit the side effects section until something new comes up, if something new comes up, because I know that reading the same thing over and over and over again can't be interesting. Not that I have any readership to please or something like that. Mood-wise, today was a 5, but that's likely due to the fact that I was out and about, and it was snowy. Unlike the majority of the American populace, it seems, I truly, genuinely like snow and the cold and all it brings. It's the only time of year that I feel completely alive. I didn't think much about, well, thoughts and thinking, which is unusual. Chalking it up to being busy today. Anyway, I visited my high school, to chat with the teachers that I'm friends with. It was great to see them, and talk about how things are going (both on my end and on theirs), but there are also a lot few...