Treatment Records

Evening, yet again.  Day 105 on Lexapro.  Mood: 7.5.   Yesterday, I met with a friend that I haven't seen in years (I think I'll call him...Kofinsa), to catch up. While waiting for him at the designated meeting place, this odd nervousness began bubbling up. This friend and I have some history - we had a thing for each other around the time when we first met, though that never went anywhere. From time to time, those old feelings still come up, though they're usually tainted with a lonely veneer these days.  I was worried and nervous for no reason, though. When he finally made it to the meeting place, and when I hugged him, breathing in that familiar scent, it was like no time had passed between seeing each other at all, like putting on your favorite pair of house shoes that you'd forgotten about in storage but still fit absolutely perfectly. We walked down Michigan Avenue for a while, looking for someplace shaded and quiet to park ourselves to picnic. Neither ...

Evening.  Day 66 on Lexapro.  Mood: 5.  Warm, damp, they pause Contemplating the state of them And of things  And of rivers and of wind and of psyche The shimmering fish leaps, breaking the membrane  It quivers, thickly joyous, penetrated Virgin droplets fall from above  They watch, they feel, they sigh, Continuing on  Unsure footprints mark their passage  Today was an okay day. I woke up at 1:16pm, a bless'd just  twelve hours of sweet, dream-filled rest that I want to get again and again and again. After laying in bed for a couple hours, I talked to my mom for about 45 minutes, listening to her relay the saga of the last five, six days of her life - a cousin is battling breast cancer, and my mom has somehow become the person in the family that cares for those that are ill, makes sure that their medical stuff is all in order, and she had to make an emergency trip to visit. My relationship with my mother is odd, at least from...

Hello, whomever may read this. I write you from my childhood home in Chicago.  Day 14 on Lexapro. I had a follow-up with my psychiatrist this morning - I don't know why I thought that 8:15am was a good time for an appointment - and mentioned the jaw clenching I've noticed to her. She seemed a little concerned about it, and said that we'd keep an eye on it, which makes me a little nervous. Hopefully it doesn't indicate that something terrible is going on.  Mentally, well, today wasn't a good day either. There was the stress of making sure that everything was done and packed and ready for the 5.5 hour trip up here, which wasn't helped by the fact that I am incredibly tired - it's been a few days since I've gone to sleep earlier than 1am.  On top of that, though, was a cold, slow sadness and longing, and a continuation of the feeling of being unwanted that I wrote on yesterday, intensified by the impending spatial separation. I'd rate today's ...