26 Apr 2017 - Head Clouds
Evening.
Day 62 on Lexapro.
Mood: 5ish. I guess.
I have really been unable to focus today; my mind feels like it's full of dandelion fluff and cattail fuzz. A lot of potential productivity, both in class and outside, was inaccessible as a result. Today was largely spent looking at specimens and trying to think of something productive to write. Or trying to find the motivation to do what I need to do, like call airlines to confirm seat assignments. Or email people to confirm classes to enroll in.
My brain just feels like it's made of smoke and kitten fur.
In other news, I feel like my terrible eating habits are just getting worse, oscillating between periods where I eat little to nothing at all and periods where I grossly overeat. It's getting to the point again that it's hard to tell when I'm hungry, or when I've had enough to eat, and I always, always feel like I've consumed too much. Sometimes, it feels like a severe lack of control over what I shovel into my face, and since I've been especially self-conscious about my rolls, cheeks, and belly lately, things are kind of progressing towards a generalized discomfort about eating. I worry at times if I'm slowly sliding towards having a full-blown eating disorder. I've got enough problems in my head as it is.
Eventually, I should talk to a therapist about this, but I think that getting a good handle on my depression is more important, given the finite time available.
Nature is being very uncooperative this week - the weekend is looking to be rainy, which is not conducive to the kind of field work that needs to be done. Hopefully things improve and dry and warm up before then.
Until then.
I know you'll look the other way
I know you long for something new
So there you're wasting all your day
Looking for something that is right in front of you
27 Apr 2017
Day 62 on Lexapro.
Mood: 5ish. I guess.
I have really been unable to focus today; my mind feels like it's full of dandelion fluff and cattail fuzz. A lot of potential productivity, both in class and outside, was inaccessible as a result. Today was largely spent looking at specimens and trying to think of something productive to write. Or trying to find the motivation to do what I need to do, like call airlines to confirm seat assignments. Or email people to confirm classes to enroll in.
My brain just feels like it's made of smoke and kitten fur.
In other news, I feel like my terrible eating habits are just getting worse, oscillating between periods where I eat little to nothing at all and periods where I grossly overeat. It's getting to the point again that it's hard to tell when I'm hungry, or when I've had enough to eat, and I always, always feel like I've consumed too much. Sometimes, it feels like a severe lack of control over what I shovel into my face, and since I've been especially self-conscious about my rolls, cheeks, and belly lately, things are kind of progressing towards a generalized discomfort about eating. I worry at times if I'm slowly sliding towards having a full-blown eating disorder. I've got enough problems in my head as it is.
Eventually, I should talk to a therapist about this, but I think that getting a good handle on my depression is more important, given the finite time available.
Nature is being very uncooperative this week - the weekend is looking to be rainy, which is not conducive to the kind of field work that needs to be done. Hopefully things improve and dry and warm up before then.
Until then.
I know you'll look the other way
I know you long for something new
So there you're wasting all your day
Looking for something that is right in front of you
27 Apr 2017
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