09 Apr 2017 - Critical Point
Day 45 on Lexapro.
Mood: 2.5
I've reached a point of being profoundly tired - of fighting, of feeling terrible all the time, of the extreme and intractable guilt, of the sensation that things will never get better, of everything. The same old suicidal thoughts are stronger than ever, vivid, a release that I'd never be capable of achieving. They're no longer a plague; they've become a distant promise that will never be fulfilled.
Every part of me just wants to rest.
In the end, we are nowhere
Sleepless and still intact
Maybe we shouldn't fall asleep
Saving what was left behind
Standing outside the chalk outline
Besides ourselves in time
The only thing I want is the last thing I need
Awake and sleepless as stars shine
09 Apr 2017
Mood: 2.5
I've reached a point of being profoundly tired - of fighting, of feeling terrible all the time, of the extreme and intractable guilt, of the sensation that things will never get better, of everything. The same old suicidal thoughts are stronger than ever, vivid, a release that I'd never be capable of achieving. They're no longer a plague; they've become a distant promise that will never be fulfilled.
Every part of me just wants to rest.
In the end, we are nowhere
Sleepless and still intact
Maybe we shouldn't fall asleep
Saving what was left behind
Standing outside the chalk outline
Besides ourselves in time
The only thing I want is the last thing I need
Awake and sleepless as stars shine
09 Apr 2017
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