17/18 May 2017 - Scotland Day 00 - Transatlantic
Evening. The date's funny because time zones are a terrible and confusing human innovation.
Today's day #84 with Lexapro.
Mood: 7, 5, 2, 4. Things happened today; that sequence follows the flow of time.
As I said in the previous post, I'm writing you all from the UK, particularly a little town in Scotland called Piperdam. It's 11pm here as I begin composing this, and while I'm not quite on UK time yet, I definitely don't feel like it's 5pm (Chicago time).
I won't mince words: there was a lot of stress in transit from Chicago here.
It started with getting to O'Hare. My family left the house an hour and a half before we intended to get to the airport, thinking that that would be plenty of time. However, with very heavy traffic, it ended up taking about two and a half hours to get there, if not longer. Being late is a stressor for me as it is, but that combined with the nervousness I was feeling was a very uncomfortable mix. Once I got to the airport, there was a problem with the ticket I received at the bag drop, so I had to go back, get another, then wait in line again. That was the first issue I had this trip. Going through security, I forgot to empty one of the two water bottles I brought with me, and was held up a bit for it. That was issue #2.
Once I'd gotten through security, finding Favorite Person wasn't a problem. We were both nervous having to wait...I bought food and stressed-ate for most of the time between me getting to the gate and getting on the plane, and I don't feel bad about it.
This is what I composed while on the first flight from O'Hare to Heathrow:
Well, this is getting off just well! After being so nervous waiting, I'm actually on the plane. I'm not next to [Favorite Person] like I wanted, but that's actually okay. My row-mates are a pair of (presumably) Indian men, and they both went to sleep pretty quickly, leaving me more or less alone.
I apparently look like a man, because the flight attendant has called me "sir" a couple of times. I can't really complain, though - she gave me wine without asking my age. It was a dry white, and unlike normal, I didn't feel sleepy after drinking. However, it only constituted ~2.2 standard drinks, which isn't a whole lot, especially since I paced myself.
Dinner was chicken tikka, a roll, a salad with balsamic vinaigrette, water, and a slice of cheesecake. It was all quite good, which was a surprise. I was expecting supreme disappointment, but that didn't happen.
It's currently something like 12:16am Chicago time, but we're much further east. The sun is rising! This is truly a magical sight, even though I'm two seats from the window. I don't know if [Favorite Person] is awake right now, but I hope that she is. I'm not going to photograph this moment; an image wouldn't do it justice.
I'm less tired than I thought that I would be, given the time and how little sleep I've gotten recently (plus the two benadryl I took a while ago). I'll just enjoy the view and continue writing as things occur to me.
12:21am Chicago time - Oh my god, we're over the ocean!!! I can't see the water, of course, but there's a map thingy that I can look at in the behind the seat thingy.
Should I get more wine and slowly begin hoarding tiny bottles? I think that I'll ask for a sweet white and a cup of ice next time the flight attendant comes by.
12:31am Chicago time - Oh my god, we're over the ocean. It's just light enough now for me to see the water and oh my god, there's so much water. I am legitimately a little scared. And thirsty. This is the most unnatural thing I've ever done.
3:41am Chicago time - I got more wine. I can't get it all down because my throat is dry. According to the map thing, we're over the UK, which makes me feel so much better. I slept straight through the over-the-ocean bits. We're supposed to arrive in less than an hour.
4:27am Chicago time - And we descend. I already feel time-disoriented and I'm still on this great metal bird.
4:34am Chicago time - Oh baby. I looked out the window, and I saw clouds. I want to see the ground already, have my feet on solid ground. We're in a cloud right now, but I'll keep looking out for the ground.
4:41am Chicago time - First glimpse of land! This is so unreal, I'm going to be in another country for the next three weeks.
Curiously, while turbulence feels a lot like a rollercoaster, I'm handling this quite well. Minimal quease.
I'm straining to see more of the ground.
4:47am Chicago time - Oh! Oh my god! We came out of the belly of the cloud - I see urban sprawl. Countryside. It's so pretty and so new but so familiar. I think we flew over the Thames? God, I hope [Favorite Person] is seeing this. I just saw a red bus! Oh my god, oh my god, we're landing! And touchdown! Oh my god, this is surreal. I'm going to be in a different country!
So ends my in-flight notes for the transatlantic leg.
So also ends the most relaxed part of this trip.
Due to ground delays in Chicago, we were running very late as it was. On top of that, once I got to Heathrow, I had to take extra time to empty my bottles again (issue #3) and then had problems with my boarding pass (issue #4 and the major hiccup of the journey). Even though there were two other students besides Favorite Person and I, not a one of them had the nerve to stop and wait for me when I got held up. They all made the connecting flight; I missed it and was forced to deal with getting the next one alone. I won't omit details to try to make myself look more composed in the situation than I was. There was a lot of crying and fast, shallow breathing when I realized that there was no way that I'd be on that flight.
I was upset with the three of them for not waiting, but especially livid at Favorite Person. How do you just leave one member of your party? How do you not wait with them when they get held up?
After I finally got my boarding pass issues straightened out, I proceeded to security - where my carry-ons got searched because there was a pair of craft scissors in my bag that I'd forgotten about (issue #5). This resulted in me being held up for an additional half hour.
Once that was all said and done, I didn't have very long to wait for my connecting flight. I would have much preferred a long, boring wait than the stuff I had to go through. Through the panic and stress, I still had the presence of mind to grab a newspaper for my grandmother. It's a sort of tradition in my family that we'll get local papers for her when we go someplace new.
The flight from Heathrow to Glasgow was uneventful. I slept for most of it, tightly clutching my stuffed dog and loyal travel buddy Ginger.
I had no issues getting baggage after the flight, or in connecting with the rest of the group. Not being in the mood to speak to anyone, least of all to any of the three people that left me in Heathrow.
I spent the majority of the van trip from airport to the house we'll be staying in in stony silence. I slept for a lot of it, or at least I feel like I did.
The Scottish countryside is beautiful, with so many new plants that are foreign to me. I want to learn their names, eventually.
The house that we're staying in is quite nice, with a big yard. Many bee-friendly plants. Speaking of bees, I saw a few white-tailed bumblebees, Bombus lucorum. I'm going to have to try to catch at least one before I leave here.
Now, to transition from the largely external to the internal. Even after learning that Favorite Person tried to wait for me, I'm still angry with her. She should have tried harder, or at the least stuck with me when I was slowed down. This is going to cast a shadow over the trip.
After making it to the house and exploring the grounds, I curled up in bed, partially because I was tired and mostly because I was mentally wearing down. Dinner came and went; I stayed in bed. Drifting in and out of sleep, thoughts of how I didn't deserve to come on this trip in the first place surfaced. I considered my explicit disinterest in getting to know any of the other people on this trip, and how study abroads are for people that care about people and things, whereas I care about things and ideas. Study abroads, arts and culture trips - they're not for people like me. Coming was a mistake; a thousands of dollars mistake.
I'm going to scrounge around for food and dangle my feet in the pool while reading. Hopefully my anger dissipates sooner rather than later.
Tomorrow, we're going to the coast - my chance to get Scotland sand.
Until then.
Some will sell their dreams for small desires
Or lose the race to rats
Get caught in ticking traps
And start to dream of somewhere
To relax their restless flight
Somewhere out of a memory of lighted streets on quiet nights...
"Subdivisions", Rush
19 May 2017
Today's day #84 with Lexapro.
Mood: 7, 5, 2, 4. Things happened today; that sequence follows the flow of time.
As I said in the previous post, I'm writing you all from the UK, particularly a little town in Scotland called Piperdam. It's 11pm here as I begin composing this, and while I'm not quite on UK time yet, I definitely don't feel like it's 5pm (Chicago time).
I won't mince words: there was a lot of stress in transit from Chicago here.
It started with getting to O'Hare. My family left the house an hour and a half before we intended to get to the airport, thinking that that would be plenty of time. However, with very heavy traffic, it ended up taking about two and a half hours to get there, if not longer. Being late is a stressor for me as it is, but that combined with the nervousness I was feeling was a very uncomfortable mix. Once I got to the airport, there was a problem with the ticket I received at the bag drop, so I had to go back, get another, then wait in line again. That was the first issue I had this trip. Going through security, I forgot to empty one of the two water bottles I brought with me, and was held up a bit for it. That was issue #2.
Once I'd gotten through security, finding Favorite Person wasn't a problem. We were both nervous having to wait...I bought food and stressed-ate for most of the time between me getting to the gate and getting on the plane, and I don't feel bad about it.
This is what I composed while on the first flight from O'Hare to Heathrow:
Well, this is getting off just well! After being so nervous waiting, I'm actually on the plane. I'm not next to [Favorite Person] like I wanted, but that's actually okay. My row-mates are a pair of (presumably) Indian men, and they both went to sleep pretty quickly, leaving me more or less alone.
I apparently look like a man, because the flight attendant has called me "sir" a couple of times. I can't really complain, though - she gave me wine without asking my age. It was a dry white, and unlike normal, I didn't feel sleepy after drinking. However, it only constituted ~2.2 standard drinks, which isn't a whole lot, especially since I paced myself.
Dinner was chicken tikka, a roll, a salad with balsamic vinaigrette, water, and a slice of cheesecake. It was all quite good, which was a surprise. I was expecting supreme disappointment, but that didn't happen.
It's currently something like 12:16am Chicago time, but we're much further east. The sun is rising! This is truly a magical sight, even though I'm two seats from the window. I don't know if [Favorite Person] is awake right now, but I hope that she is. I'm not going to photograph this moment; an image wouldn't do it justice.
I'm less tired than I thought that I would be, given the time and how little sleep I've gotten recently (plus the two benadryl I took a while ago). I'll just enjoy the view and continue writing as things occur to me.
12:21am Chicago time - Oh my god, we're over the ocean!!! I can't see the water, of course, but there's a map thingy that I can look at in the behind the seat thingy.
Should I get more wine and slowly begin hoarding tiny bottles? I think that I'll ask for a sweet white and a cup of ice next time the flight attendant comes by.
12:31am Chicago time - Oh my god, we're over the ocean. It's just light enough now for me to see the water and oh my god, there's so much water. I am legitimately a little scared. And thirsty. This is the most unnatural thing I've ever done.
3:41am Chicago time - I got more wine. I can't get it all down because my throat is dry. According to the map thing, we're over the UK, which makes me feel so much better. I slept straight through the over-the-ocean bits. We're supposed to arrive in less than an hour.
4:27am Chicago time - And we descend. I already feel time-disoriented and I'm still on this great metal bird.
4:34am Chicago time - Oh baby. I looked out the window, and I saw clouds. I want to see the ground already, have my feet on solid ground. We're in a cloud right now, but I'll keep looking out for the ground.
4:41am Chicago time - First glimpse of land! This is so unreal, I'm going to be in another country for the next three weeks.
Curiously, while turbulence feels a lot like a rollercoaster, I'm handling this quite well. Minimal quease.
I'm straining to see more of the ground.
4:47am Chicago time - Oh! Oh my god! We came out of the belly of the cloud - I see urban sprawl. Countryside. It's so pretty and so new but so familiar. I think we flew over the Thames? God, I hope [Favorite Person] is seeing this. I just saw a red bus! Oh my god, oh my god, we're landing! And touchdown! Oh my god, this is surreal. I'm going to be in a different country!
So ends my in-flight notes for the transatlantic leg.
So also ends the most relaxed part of this trip.
Due to ground delays in Chicago, we were running very late as it was. On top of that, once I got to Heathrow, I had to take extra time to empty my bottles again (issue #3) and then had problems with my boarding pass (issue #4 and the major hiccup of the journey). Even though there were two other students besides Favorite Person and I, not a one of them had the nerve to stop and wait for me when I got held up. They all made the connecting flight; I missed it and was forced to deal with getting the next one alone. I won't omit details to try to make myself look more composed in the situation than I was. There was a lot of crying and fast, shallow breathing when I realized that there was no way that I'd be on that flight.
I was upset with the three of them for not waiting, but especially livid at Favorite Person. How do you just leave one member of your party? How do you not wait with them when they get held up?
After I finally got my boarding pass issues straightened out, I proceeded to security - where my carry-ons got searched because there was a pair of craft scissors in my bag that I'd forgotten about (issue #5). This resulted in me being held up for an additional half hour.
Once that was all said and done, I didn't have very long to wait for my connecting flight. I would have much preferred a long, boring wait than the stuff I had to go through. Through the panic and stress, I still had the presence of mind to grab a newspaper for my grandmother. It's a sort of tradition in my family that we'll get local papers for her when we go someplace new.
The flight from Heathrow to Glasgow was uneventful. I slept for most of it, tightly clutching my stuffed dog and loyal travel buddy Ginger.
I had no issues getting baggage after the flight, or in connecting with the rest of the group. Not being in the mood to speak to anyone, least of all to any of the three people that left me in Heathrow.
I spent the majority of the van trip from airport to the house we'll be staying in in stony silence. I slept for a lot of it, or at least I feel like I did.
The Scottish countryside is beautiful, with so many new plants that are foreign to me. I want to learn their names, eventually.
The house that we're staying in is quite nice, with a big yard. Many bee-friendly plants. Speaking of bees, I saw a few white-tailed bumblebees, Bombus lucorum. I'm going to have to try to catch at least one before I leave here.
Now, to transition from the largely external to the internal. Even after learning that Favorite Person tried to wait for me, I'm still angry with her. She should have tried harder, or at the least stuck with me when I was slowed down. This is going to cast a shadow over the trip.
After making it to the house and exploring the grounds, I curled up in bed, partially because I was tired and mostly because I was mentally wearing down. Dinner came and went; I stayed in bed. Drifting in and out of sleep, thoughts of how I didn't deserve to come on this trip in the first place surfaced. I considered my explicit disinterest in getting to know any of the other people on this trip, and how study abroads are for people that care about people and things, whereas I care about things and ideas. Study abroads, arts and culture trips - they're not for people like me. Coming was a mistake; a thousands of dollars mistake.
I'm going to scrounge around for food and dangle my feet in the pool while reading. Hopefully my anger dissipates sooner rather than later.
Tomorrow, we're going to the coast - my chance to get Scotland sand.
Until then.
Some will sell their dreams for small desires
Or lose the race to rats
Get caught in ticking traps
And start to dream of somewhere
To relax their restless flight
Somewhere out of a memory of lighted streets on quiet nights...
"Subdivisions", Rush
19 May 2017
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