04 May 2017 - Risky Business
Evening. I decided to not pressure myself to get a post up on time yesterday.
Day 70? on Lexapro.
Mood was something like a 4, +/- 2.
I've decided that I'm going to try something that my psychiatrist would strongly recommend I not. On the brief streak I went on where I consistently forgot to take my pill, I felt better than I did in a long time. To test my theory that I feel better without it, or at least with lower levels of escitalopram in my system, I'm going to stop taking it for a few days and see what happens. I won't go as far as getting rid of my pills, because I'll need to keep them on hand in case things go horrendously wrong. I think that I'll fix the study at five days with no doses; escitalopram has a half-life of between 27 and 32 hours, meaning that I should see effects (if any) within two or three days, and then giving me a further couple of days to observe.
This is a pursuit of knowledge, not an attempt to torture myself. I suppose that that, in and of itself, is a sign that I've improved more than I believe I have.
I met with Dr. Gilbert, and it was the same old script as always. Assuming that I get back to town following Scotland according to plan, I'll meet with her next the first week of June to discuss ending the Lexapro and starting something else. Getting to that appointment was the worst fifteen minutes or so that I've had in a long time, though. It was at 8:30am, and I had the misfortune of waking up at 8:22am, even though my alarms were set for far earlier. This meant that I barely had time to put on clothes and power walk over to the student health center, and consequently had no breakfast. Normally, this wouldn't get me too down, but the weather was crap as well - chilly and drizzly and windy - and that worsened my mood considerably. As I was walking, I remember just wanting to cry about how things were going.
Aside from that, I legitimately cannot remember much about how the 4th went. I talked to my biochemistry professor about my grade in the class, and I'm actually better off than I thought I was - sitting at a C, and not the low D that I thought. If I do exceptionally well on the final exam, I may be able to pull my grade up to a B, which makes me feel considerably better about the entire situation.
Until later.
[nope, no song today either]
06 May 2017
Day 70? on Lexapro.
Mood was something like a 4, +/- 2.
I've decided that I'm going to try something that my psychiatrist would strongly recommend I not. On the brief streak I went on where I consistently forgot to take my pill, I felt better than I did in a long time. To test my theory that I feel better without it, or at least with lower levels of escitalopram in my system, I'm going to stop taking it for a few days and see what happens. I won't go as far as getting rid of my pills, because I'll need to keep them on hand in case things go horrendously wrong. I think that I'll fix the study at five days with no doses; escitalopram has a half-life of between 27 and 32 hours, meaning that I should see effects (if any) within two or three days, and then giving me a further couple of days to observe.
This is a pursuit of knowledge, not an attempt to torture myself. I suppose that that, in and of itself, is a sign that I've improved more than I believe I have.
I met with Dr. Gilbert, and it was the same old script as always. Assuming that I get back to town following Scotland according to plan, I'll meet with her next the first week of June to discuss ending the Lexapro and starting something else. Getting to that appointment was the worst fifteen minutes or so that I've had in a long time, though. It was at 8:30am, and I had the misfortune of waking up at 8:22am, even though my alarms were set for far earlier. This meant that I barely had time to put on clothes and power walk over to the student health center, and consequently had no breakfast. Normally, this wouldn't get me too down, but the weather was crap as well - chilly and drizzly and windy - and that worsened my mood considerably. As I was walking, I remember just wanting to cry about how things were going.
Aside from that, I legitimately cannot remember much about how the 4th went. I talked to my biochemistry professor about my grade in the class, and I'm actually better off than I thought I was - sitting at a C, and not the low D that I thought. If I do exceptionally well on the final exam, I may be able to pull my grade up to a B, which makes me feel considerably better about the entire situation.
Until later.
[nope, no song today either]
06 May 2017
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