10 Jun 2017 - Not Quite Home

Evening, for the last time today. 

 Day 106 on Lexapro.

 Mood: 5. 

 Today, I made the 5 or 6 hour trip down to Carbondale, to get fully moved into the townhouse I'll be staying in for the next year. I slept for most of it, to minimize the time that was free and therefore available for brooding. 

 My room is nowhere near fit for living, as I still don't have a complete bed (the mattress was supposed to arrive today but didn't), desk, or chair. 

 This townhouse, while technically my home, doesn't feel like it. I might be paying to live here, but it doesn't feel like home. 

Something I've noticed that my mind returns to a lot is this drive I have to pair off with someone suitable. It's probably an outgrowth of my perpetual loneliness, but I really, truly, strongly wish that I weren't single. There's not much I can do to change that fact of my existence, though; I barely understand why anyone would want to be friends with me, so greater involvement would be bewildering. 

I'm exhausted, and don't have a real bed, so I guess I have to pull something together to sleep on. 

 Until then. 

 10 Jun 2017 

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