Void

Everything hurts, and I want to die. 


 This has been my mantra for the past month or so. I'm not sure anymore if it's a statement of how I am at present, or some sort of prayer for relief put out to the universe. 

Wellbutrin does not work for me anymore. 

 I don't have access to counseling anymore - not the kind of extended counseling I need. 

 I can't try to voice what's going on in my head to Favorite Person anymore, and after the way that things have soured between us, I'm terrified to completely open up to anyone else. 

 It's getting harder and harder to maintain an image of being okay to the people I work with. 

 I've been somewhere in that grey area between being passively suicidal and actively suicidal for over a month now, and I can feel myself spending more and more time in the latter region. 

 Fantasizing about suicidal gestures is a continuous background process, no matter how I may be doing at the moment or what may be going on. 

 My day to day functioning is being impacted; the hellscape that I carry with me always is making it difficult to make it to class, make it to work, to care for myself properly. 

 I feel like a failure of a human being. 

I just want this all to stop. I don't care how anymore; I just want it to stop. 
I can't keep living like this.


I can't keep living like this. 

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