Treatment Records

It's an inevitability.  I knew it would happen.  It had to happen.  There's no avoiding it. And it has absolutely, positively nothing to do with me.  KH is moving out. Favorite Person - she's leaving. I know that this has nothing to do with me, and yet there's a wave of hurt. Like it's my fault she's moving across the country, not that the lease on the townhouse is ending and she's starting grad school. This is something that I've been bracing myself for for months now, but now that it's only a few days away, now that there are only a few days left where my emotional anchor is still in close proximity, a few days left before I won't see her again for God knows how long, if I ever see her again - none of my preparation feels like it'll do any good. I can feel in my bones that next week will be one of the hardest that I've endured.  The loud, irrational feeling that this is all my fault and that she's abandoning me and that  I...

What do you do when the person you're most dependent upon emotionally is also your worst trigger? What do you do when every good memory you have with your favorite person has been contaminated by fear? What do you do when revisiting places you've gone with one of your closest friends is enough to trigger anxiety attacks? What do you do? 

I have no name and I have no face.  I have no form, no person. No abilities, no character.  I have no skills. I have no purpose. I have no circle. I have no connections. I have no people. I have no support. I have no roles to play. All I have are a handful of letters. I am my disorders, and my disorders are me. 

✓ A persistent, intense fear of abandonment, including extreme efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment ✓ A history of unstable relationships that can change drastically from intense love and idealization to intense hate ✓ Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self ✓ Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating ✓ Self-harming behavior ✓ Recurring thoughts of suicidal behaviors ✓ Intense and highly changeable moods ✓ Chronic feelings of emptiness and isolation ✓ Inappropriate, intense anger, such as being sarcastic or bitter ✓ Difficulty trusting, accompanied by irrational fear of other people’s intentions ✓ Feelings of dissociation ✓ Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality ✓ Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image, such as seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all ✓ Strong feelings of anxiety, worry an...