Muddled

Why do you have to get so upset about the littlest things? Of course they went somewhere without telling you anything; you should just expect to be left out by now, and even if you aren't, you ought to know that you aren't capable of being a part of that group anyhow.

Just get over yourself. Drink more. Nothing matters, you'll never be happy and you'll never be socially fulfilled.

They probably do it on purpose. They know how badly you want to be a member, and they don't care about that at all. They probably know how much it hurts you, and they probably smirk at the thought.

Just accept that neither Curly nor KH will want anything to do with you after you part ways. You're just a burden to them, and the sooner they can forget about you, the better. 

 Drink more. You know that you can't do anything to fix this. You can't fix yourself, you can't fix your illness, you can't fix your friendships. Drink more. Get over it.

You know that no one thinks or cares about you as much as you think and care about them. It's always been that way. You're disposable to everyone you value. Replaceable. 

 Why do you even bother following up with Dr. Gilbert? There's nothing you can do to fix yourself. You're inherently and permanently flawed - broken. Accept that. Get over it. 

 You deserve every miserable side effect. You should take the rest of your Effexor. You deserve the debilitating pain it causes. You deserve to be miserable. No one cares. Get over it.

You could leave for days on end and no one would notice or care. They don't care about you. You know this. Accept it. Drink more. No one cares about you. The ones that say they do are liars. 

 Drink more. It's not like anything you do has any consequence anyway. You don't matter enough for that. Get over it.

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